Meet Useless Farm
________________________
Poor Sweet Michael
Literal elevator music playing in his brain 24/7.
Consistant hay hanging out the side of his mouth - he does not know it’s there.
Poor sweet thing and doesn’t have a single thought behind those eyes.
Just one lonesome brain cell bouncing around in there like a game of pong.
His father, Craig (retired neurosurgeon), is putting him through school to be a professional unicyclist.
______________________________
Karen the Emu
Absolute bitch.
Hates me with every fiber of her being.
Recently widowed for the 3rd time - all died under mysterious circumstances.
______________________________
Stanley the Emu
Sweetest angel who’s ever existed.
Loves to cuddle, wear fancy hats, and cat wigs.
Interpretive dance KING.
Enjoys pretend treats.
______________________________
Keith the Alpaca
Anxiety personified.
The best kisser.
When he gets mad at the other animals he will spit, but his aim is terrible and he usually just spits straight up in the air.
If he worked in an office, he would microwave his tuna sandwich in the office microwave and not even realize it was frowned upon.
Keith suffers from social anxiety and anxiety in general.
______________________________
Doug the Minidonkey
His love language is attention.
Would be a lap-donkey if it was possible.
Needy AF.
Frequently has his d out.
Has huge issues with personal space.
Has spent a lot of time in the HR Office
______________________________
Brad the Silkie Rooster
Absolutely miserable piece of shit.
Aggressive as hell.
Drives a jacked up truck with distasteful window decals.
______________________________
Steve the Peacock
An absolute DICK to all of the other animals in the summer, but chills out in the winter.
Everyone is terrified of him.
Mad luxurious tail.
______________________________
Lucy the Pony
Lucy is beauty, Lucy is grace
Lucy and her BFF Robert like to wear high ponytails and judge people.
______________________________
Robert Fisch the Minihorse
Thinks he is a full sized stallion.
Majestic.
Luscious mane.
______________________________
Craig the Alpaca
Retired neurosurgeon.
Supporting his son, Michael's, dream to be a professional unicyclist (it's not going well).
Lush mustache.
______________________________
Lorraine & Josh the Baby Emus
Went to Maury and found out that Karen and Stanley ARE the parents.
Really rolling the dice on personalities for these two.
Lorraine & Josh went to live at a new home to keep another baby emu company.
______________________________
Clifford the Chocolate Lab
A friend to everyone.
Loves to eat garbage, but who doesn't I just ate an entire bag of chips for breakfast so same Clifford.
Goodest boy.
